Thoughts of you as we walk around the edges of the moat...

Well if you read my myspace blog you ll realize I did a soundtrack to my life and well I aint doing that here but do wanna start off with a song lyric that’s been hitting me hard…

And I've been housing all this doubt And insecurity And I've been locked inside that house All the while, you hold the keyAnd I've been dying to get out And that might be the death of meAnd even though there's no way of knowingWhere to go, I promise I'm going becauseI gotta get outta here I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistakeI gotta get outta here And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I'm begging you to be my escape

And that’s what this is bout...I finally broke free of this rut of doubt and insecurity a bit and been doing this new job and its been good…but still I don t feel totally safe. Like I am walking along the cliff’s edge and can topple over at any point. And I am scared. How can one not be one you know what happens when you give in to the demons that plague you since you were a teen.
See my rut is huge almost a moat at this point and getting out of it aint easy(kinda like pimpin boo boo). And the threat of falling in is always present. So what does one do. I know I am supposed to pray for guidance…but I don t know how to. I should seek mental health help…but I don t want more meds(barely take the ones I am on). I seek out friends a lil but a also hermit up when I feel said friends can only hurt me. I know I should just give it up and release it. But I hold on so tight to that kite string…

So in bringing this blog post to a conclusion PLS. help a brother figure out how to fight these demons in my head some days I am so worn out by it…

Sleep the sleep of angels my friend
For tomorrow is another day
All along the edges of a shattered dream
Lies the broken and condemned.
Kiss me one last time as I drift away
To a land that only I can bare to see
Hells flames and the bloody eyes
Of my own personal Satan…
Jason Prosser, ride attendant, manager, Tour guide Of broken Dreams

Not much happening.

Well as the title says aint much happening round the ride this week. Only work and work and you guessed it more work....ill be happy to talk to you guys any day but right now its bed time..

Peace out lil homies till next crime

ill still be

Me...

New poem and the week in a nutshell..

The Last of Dying Breed
Jason Prosser 08

The last of a dying breed.
The gentle side of my festering rage.
Cool breeze from the pits of hell.
How can you live in the furnace of madness I call this life.
You hold me when the demons cry out for my blood.
You wipe my tears in the night.
I only hold you in contempt
And drain the blood from your veins to feed my need for pain.
Shackled by fear and guided by hate
Driven to madness and self mutilation in front of your gate.
In the end
All I need is a friend.
But no one wants to be close to this moon sick beast.
But you I love the most Happen to fear the least.
The fallen and broken man you see
Is what I came to be now
The ashen eyes, the limp and shuffling strut
The look of a man much older
Then my age belies
Bent from the hatred and anger fueling
The seeking of solace from the days of my past.

Well thats the new poem as for the week..Eh take it or leave a few good moments that ll be treasured but many moments to drive a poor ride attendant nutso. hopefully i won t go mad and start running da LOUNGE wit a axe and start chopping...Not that i would or anything >.<

Got a partial transfer to a store where da crew don t like me and i aint fond of them. I supposed to training but Damn if it don t feel like punishment... But eh i aint gonna walk ...less if i got a new job lol!

Daps to the few the proud
The ppl who keep me sane
Big UPS!

your fav ride attendent who gonna continue to ROCK till the wheels fall off

Me

Abandoned Children and the effect of it on the Heart of a man...

Last night I dressed in tails,
pretended I was on the town.
As long as I can dream,
it's hard to slow this swinger down.

So please don't give a thought to me,
I'm really doing fine.
You can always find me here, having quite a time.
Countin' flowers on the wall,That don't bother me at all.Playing Solitaire till dawn,
With a deck of fifty-one.
Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.
Now, don't tell me I've nothing to do.
=Eric heatherly…


Now you faithful reader are prob wondering…Uh WTF Mr P. What does that mean…
That riders is the start of the first serious post on the ride. WTF Jay say it aint so a SERIOUS post on here what you mean…Well its like this kiddies something is weighing on my chest and I wanna get it out…
Today's post is bout the biggest factor in any relationship I have ever made IN MY LIFE. Everyone friends fellow employees and even yes lovers. (sorry Mrs. P but even ours) . It starts with the first relationship you ever make on this world..MOM. My life has been and continues to be colored by the way I grew up and the rocky up and down relationship I had wit the first Ms. Prosser.
Me and her have always had a rough one once I came back to live with her. See I was taken away from my mother and lived with my grandma and aunts for a while as she attempted to sober her life up. This forced separation(yes the police were involved and I was literally removed out of my house at age 4. This first rift caused a ripple of doubt amongst my relationships after that…Abandonment for da win Alex…Yup yup that was the start of it all. NOW this might not be so bad if at the age of eighteen I hadn t been heaved out da house for doing the things eighteen year old guys like to do…Crochet! Ok so it was fucking but hey its my blog and Ill lie if I want to! This was the biggie cause ma was using again and I felt like she chose the drugs over me. Again.
Now you say Mr conductor where we going down this path of misery…Here it is I hold so many ppl too far away for them to be lil more then ppl I know and I a lil lonely. I only gots three best friends one is Mrs. P the other is Kay and my best man Raymond. With out these three I pretty sure I would be dead by now. But at age twenty three having gone to school with some ppl all twelve years and to have only three close loving friends….Kinda sad and pathetic right.
But I digress…this post was about abandonment and I feel I have been through the wringer with ppl. I hold most at arms’ length and then they go and prove why I should do that. Causing more heart ache as I lose even more trust and compassion for ppl. And as I burrow away from ppl I get more depressed and angry..and yes jaded. This abandonment is one of the reasons I hate people..Cause in my eyes its only time before you will walk away from me. You will desert in my time of need. I cling to some of you so tight I know I gots to be hurting you but I don t wanna lose more friends..Hell this year alone I had so many ppl I trust turn on me…But still grimly I hold on to the few left..I ask you as your conductor , friend, and long ago hurt child…Don t leave me again..It ll be too much this time…
Wipes eyes…..peace out lil homies and watch out for the kite string…
Your friend and Wolf in sheep’s clothing
Mr P…

Random update Poems Plugs and A finally you don t see coming..Exciting sounding right???

Well as you can see changed the bloggy around a bit..Looks kinda cool! Uh it might get changed again you all know me cant keep anything the same for more then a month. I like this one though wit da lil wolfy going HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWl! Like i do on here when i wanna stab a bitch ass manager or customer or some one who annoyed me that day. plus I like the color...

Okay posting new poemage..hope you likes. Its called Sins and Petty Crimes of a Man Left Behind by ...well duh...me.

Shadows flickering on stone walls
The mist over the moon mutes its light
The silken breathing of my love still echoes
As I walk the stone halls of a broken spirit
And a shattered mind.

Lost in the labyrinth one last time
The sound of boot heels on glass
Broken vase crunching under feet ready to leave one more time.
Egos bruised as the blood dries on knuckles that used to hold her

Screaming inside while smiling on the outside .
One more twisted barb in the mind as you feel the words leave her mouth
Wreathes of twisted poison vines twine through your soul
The once pure love of innocence forever blackened by the death of the light

One more gasp of life
The breath you take turns to moans
One more grasp on the tie that binds
The last chance to burn for something other then your own sins and petty crimes.


That was a new poemage to the growing lists of stuff i posted here.

And the fam is doing(plug plug plugging along) fine. Be sure to check out the wife's ever changing maze if you already don't. And also if you want to meet my friends read Kay's too. (this is the cheap plug section.)

And me i finally think my cold is over YAY!

Well dear readers feel free to leave any comments and remember to keep hands and toes in the ride till we come to a complete and flaming stop!

Your fav operater

Me.

Yeah so today sucked (and not that conventional oh I stubbed my toe that sucked kinda way more like if one more jack hole looks at me wrong he is so drowning in his own blood kinda sucked) ugh the saddest part bout this as soon as this anger burns away ill be left feeling…Nothing. I spend many days numb and apathetic Burned out to all but the most intense of emotion. And this drains me even more…

I learned recently that I started crying in my sleep/ to me this is the most disturbing thing I could be told in my life. To me this means I can only feel when I aint awake…Scary. How does one live if one is perpetually pissed off or numb.

I can t do this much longer my lil bit o sanity that I covet is straining and stretching past its breaking point.
Least I got my meds and da wife and da bestest friend ever to ground me emotionally and to take the sharp pointy objects away from me when the urge to slice a bitch asses throat becomes way to inviting…And yes I see you bitch ass smirking believe you gots lucky!!@!!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR hopefully soon I.ll be calm relaxed and chilled ..And not working at the Pit! Till then remember…
That’s when we ride on bitches
You fucking faggot snitches
Were packing nines (actually its knives) \
Well leave you dead in ditches…
-Hollywood undead!

And as always keep all hands and feet till the ride is over I have been you operator…Now get the hell out
Peace!

Epic poem and thoughts of a new year older..

Part 1: the Players of the Game
Sadistic smile and a gleam in the wolf's eye
As he watches the little lamb die.
Wrapped in fur and leather and wearing big black boots
He hunts her down near the trees roots.
Forest primeval and the killers moon in the sky
He laughs as the Goddess sighs.
One last dream my dear one last hope
One last tear my love Its too hard to cope..
One last breath my fave one last sound
Don’t worry dear They wont disturb you under ground.
Dancing before the fallen ones
Her eyes blaze like a thousand suns.
The Dark Haired one wont be broken
Violent princess She’ll leave the men choking
On their own blood and the sour bile of guilt.
Then she will crush all the empires that they built.
One last time Boy one last Look
One more crime Boy One more hook
One more victory Hon one last Breathe
One more memory of your death.
In the grasp of the Queen
Is the leash for the beast unseen.
The whip and the lash
The sound of clinking cold hard cash.
Bought and sold
The Slaughter of the young and the old.
Her laughter deafens the wind
Her anger leaves the ground Skinned.
One last dagger my Toy One last time
One last vision My Bitch One last crime
One more moan Fucker One last cry
One more cut across your wrist till its your time to die..
The three players in this game.
The Wolf of man oh so untamed
The Princess who beauty is a virtue
And the Queen who’s anger is all too true.
The dice is cast
The race is on at last.
Fates hand is holding out for the final dance
And its up to them all to take that chance…..

Part 2: Blood on the Muzzle and Death on his Breathe…The Beast.
Wolf’s tail in moonlight unfurled
Like a battle standard.
All dagger hilts and leather.
He stands and commands the night
Like a general in the army.
Who is this Beast of man?
None will ever know.
Fate has played him his hand.
The last of the Wild in a time of civility.
The last grasp of Mother Nature to win.
Crying out in silence as flames burn his eyes.
The blood is on his muzzle
The Death on his breath.
The pain in his chest.
One last climb up that mountain and his journey is done
One last death and his victory is won.
Condemned by the gods.
Fallen avenger of the woods.
The last gasp of air of a time gone by.
He will see this through .
He got to do this to win the hand
Of his lady love.
The moonlight flashes off dagger steel,
And his laugh is heard through the valley this night.
Some one dies so he can live .
There is Blood on his muzzle
And Death on his breathe.
Curled up on his wild mattress of grass
The Beast dreams of love and freedom amongst the trees.
The laughter of children at play.
The love of his life by his side
The Princess of the people
And Mother of his pack.
There are tears on his muzzle and
Pain in his chest
Fate the cruelest of Bullies
Has cast out his die one more time.
Can this be true a warm hand in his
A kiss of purest bliss.
No death on his tongue or blade in his fist..
Can this be the end of the strife
Did he win or is this another Dream….



Part Three: Barbed wire Heart And The Stone Cold Love From A Shadow...The Princess
Holding back the tears from Eyes so blue.
You stand before her and she looks right through you…
The Nightbird of the Beast’s Heart
Has a Barbed Wire Heart
And the Cold Love of a Shadow of a grave.
Trapped in the past .
Of a time She cant remember.
The lifetime of anger rage and hate.
Has bled her dry to all but the Beast’ s love.
Hurt upon pain
The bruises that barely fade.
The scars on her beauty that belie her real age.
The entrapment between life and her loves
The gilded cage To this Nightbird is
The First or the Boy.
The Beast Or the Life everyone wants her to have.
The Barbed Wire of her heart cuts way to deep
All she wants is not to bleed for one damn day.
To sleep
Perchance to not screw this one up dearest God!
Raven haired and a little bit worn down round the edges.
She attacks her fate with bared blade of her sword.
The blood is just another tear that drips from her eye
Just to mingle with all the rest.
I am coming my Love I wont be Long..
Is her last thought before she drifts off
To dream perchance to Rid herself of this Stone Cold Love and
Wired Heart of Pain…
The Dream is so quite
And her face is covered in tears
Blue eyes drip crimson blood
And her mouth is smiling angelically to the moon.
Before is her future..
The Forest home of the Beast and Her King
Behind her lies her forgotten past.
Broken and boarded windows out looking
On to darkened alleyways and drugged out whores.
The cold hand of fate clasps her shoulder and pushes her forward
With this warning hissed into her brain
“the past can t stop you.
This pain only lasts so long.
The scars are you reminder
That you can never go home.
Flee to your protector Girl.
Your going to need his help.
The Queen wont wait forever
To have her prize
Flee little one
Your Barbed Wire Heart is slowly dulling
It cant cut you anymore
The Blood it pumps surely will warm that Cold Love of the shallow grave
The dream passed on…




Part 3: The Blackest Of Malice and The Deadliest Player Yet….The Queen.
The rustle of steel on silk
Bloody floors and flashing teeth
Spilled lives on the cemetery walls
Queen of the Forsaken and everything lost.
She smiles at screams and and laughs at the tears
One sick bitch she’ll come when you die
Holding your neck as life drains from your eyes
And kiss your forehead as they lay you in the casket.
Kneel before her with the knife at your throat
Then sleep with a smile from to ear to ear
As your life force drips drips drips on cold marble floors
And the sound of stilettos walking away ring in your ears.
This is the lady who rules the land
Mother to the Boy
And hated Keeper of the Beast
And the enemy of the Virgin Princess
This is hatred in flesh
The devil incarnate
In Black pvc and fishnet.
Leader of the known world and Fate’s Dead Mistress
She lays her head down to dream
Of freedoms last breathe.
The furtive gasp of humanity
As she strangles them all.
To end the dreams of many and all
To outlast the men who watched as she fall…




Ok thats my newest work of poetry and its kinda well as the title says epic lol! There will be new parts coming i swear.

As for today for y all who didn t read Tito's blog..Its me Bday! I am now twenty eight years OLD..Emphasis on old and as everyone is quick to point out almost thirty...UGH I aint too happy bout that ya know! I don t feel old and sure as heck do t act my age...But ugh Its there in black and white..

Tito has always said she can t wait to turn thirty and leave childhood behind...But i aint ready to put down all my childish things yet...Smiles evilly...Guess you gonna have to drag me away to sage thirty in my He man Underoos bitches LOLOLOLOLOL!

So in honor of being Bday of the Founder of da ride I end this post with a question (feel free to answer this dear readers) Is age a state of being etched in stone or just a number meaning lil and demanding so much more?

Till the wheels fall off da cart Ill forever be the one on the edge of da track...
Jpro.