Well if you read my myspace blog you ll realize I did a soundtrack to my life and well I aint doing that here but do wanna start off with a song lyric that’s been hitting me hard…
And I've been housing all this doubt And insecurity And I've been locked inside that house All the while, you hold the keyAnd I've been dying to get out And that might be the death of meAnd even though there's no way of knowingWhere to go, I promise I'm going becauseI gotta get outta here I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistakeI gotta get outta here And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I'm begging you to be my escape
And that’s what this is bout...I finally broke free of this rut of doubt and insecurity a bit and been doing this new job and its been good…but still I don t feel totally safe. Like I am walking along the cliff’s edge and can topple over at any point. And I am scared. How can one not be one you know what happens when you give in to the demons that plague you since you were a teen.
See my rut is huge almost a moat at this point and getting out of it aint easy(kinda like pimpin boo boo). And the threat of falling in is always present. So what does one do. I know I am supposed to pray for guidance…but I don t know how to. I should seek mental health help…but I don t want more meds(barely take the ones I am on). I seek out friends a lil but a also hermit up when I feel said friends can only hurt me. I know I should just give it up and release it. But I hold on so tight to that kite string…
So in bringing this blog post to a conclusion PLS. help a brother figure out how to fight these demons in my head some days I am so worn out by it…
Sleep the sleep of angels my friend
For tomorrow is another day
All along the edges of a shattered dream
Lies the broken and condemned.
Kiss me one last time as I drift away
To a land that only I can bare to see
Hells flames and the bloody eyes
Of my own personal Satan…
Jason Prosser, ride attendant, manager, Tour guide Of broken Dreams
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Not much happening.
Well as the title says aint much happening round the ride this week. Only work and work and you guessed it more work....ill be happy to talk to you guys any day but right now its bed time..
Peace out lil homies till next crime
ill still be
Me...
Peace out lil homies till next crime
ill still be
Me...
Monday, June 16, 2008
New poem and the week in a nutshell..
The Last of Dying Breed
Jason Prosser 08
The last of a dying breed.
The gentle side of my festering rage.
Cool breeze from the pits of hell.
How can you live in the furnace of madness I call this life.
You hold me when the demons cry out for my blood.
You wipe my tears in the night.
I only hold you in contempt
And drain the blood from your veins to feed my need for pain.
Shackled by fear and guided by hate
Driven to madness and self mutilation in front of your gate.
In the end
All I need is a friend.
But no one wants to be close to this moon sick beast.
But you I love the most Happen to fear the least.
The fallen and broken man you see
Is what I came to be now
The ashen eyes, the limp and shuffling strut
The look of a man much older
Then my age belies
Bent from the hatred and anger fueling
The seeking of solace from the days of my past.
Well thats the new poem as for the week..Eh take it or leave a few good moments that ll be treasured but many moments to drive a poor ride attendant nutso. hopefully i won t go mad and start running da LOUNGE wit a axe and start chopping...Not that i would or anything >.<
Got a partial transfer to a store where da crew don t like me and i aint fond of them. I supposed to training but Damn if it don t feel like punishment... But eh i aint gonna walk ...less if i got a new job lol!
Daps to the few the proud
The ppl who keep me sane
Big UPS!
your fav ride attendent who gonna continue to ROCK till the wheels fall off
Me
Jason Prosser 08
The last of a dying breed.
The gentle side of my festering rage.
Cool breeze from the pits of hell.
How can you live in the furnace of madness I call this life.
You hold me when the demons cry out for my blood.
You wipe my tears in the night.
I only hold you in contempt
And drain the blood from your veins to feed my need for pain.
Shackled by fear and guided by hate
Driven to madness and self mutilation in front of your gate.
In the end
All I need is a friend.
But no one wants to be close to this moon sick beast.
But you I love the most Happen to fear the least.
The fallen and broken man you see
Is what I came to be now
The ashen eyes, the limp and shuffling strut
The look of a man much older
Then my age belies
Bent from the hatred and anger fueling
The seeking of solace from the days of my past.
Well thats the new poem as for the week..Eh take it or leave a few good moments that ll be treasured but many moments to drive a poor ride attendant nutso. hopefully i won t go mad and start running da LOUNGE wit a axe and start chopping...Not that i would or anything >.<
Got a partial transfer to a store where da crew don t like me and i aint fond of them. I supposed to training but Damn if it don t feel like punishment... But eh i aint gonna walk ...less if i got a new job lol!
Daps to the few the proud
The ppl who keep me sane
Big UPS!
your fav ride attendent who gonna continue to ROCK till the wheels fall off
Me
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Abandoned Children and the effect of it on the Heart of a man...
Last night I dressed in tails,
pretended I was on the town.
As long as I can dream,
it's hard to slow this swinger down.
So please don't give a thought to me,
I'm really doing fine.
You can always find me here, having quite a time.
Countin' flowers on the wall,That don't bother me at all.Playing Solitaire till dawn,
With a deck of fifty-one.
Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.
Now, don't tell me I've nothing to do.
=Eric heatherly…
Now you faithful reader are prob wondering…Uh WTF Mr P. What does that mean…
That riders is the start of the first serious post on the ride. WTF Jay say it aint so a SERIOUS post on here what you mean…Well its like this kiddies something is weighing on my chest and I wanna get it out…
Today's post is bout the biggest factor in any relationship I have ever made IN MY LIFE. Everyone friends fellow employees and even yes lovers. (sorry Mrs. P but even ours) . It starts with the first relationship you ever make on this world..MOM. My life has been and continues to be colored by the way I grew up and the rocky up and down relationship I had wit the first Ms. Prosser.
Me and her have always had a rough one once I came back to live with her. See I was taken away from my mother and lived with my grandma and aunts for a while as she attempted to sober her life up. This forced separation(yes the police were involved and I was literally removed out of my house at age 4. This first rift caused a ripple of doubt amongst my relationships after that…Abandonment for da win Alex…Yup yup that was the start of it all. NOW this might not be so bad if at the age of eighteen I hadn t been heaved out da house for doing the things eighteen year old guys like to do…Crochet! Ok so it was fucking but hey its my blog and Ill lie if I want to! This was the biggie cause ma was using again and I felt like she chose the drugs over me. Again.
Now you say Mr conductor where we going down this path of misery…Here it is I hold so many ppl too far away for them to be lil more then ppl I know and I a lil lonely. I only gots three best friends one is Mrs. P the other is Kay and my best man Raymond. With out these three I pretty sure I would be dead by now. But at age twenty three having gone to school with some ppl all twelve years and to have only three close loving friends….Kinda sad and pathetic right.
But I digress…this post was about abandonment and I feel I have been through the wringer with ppl. I hold most at arms’ length and then they go and prove why I should do that. Causing more heart ache as I lose even more trust and compassion for ppl. And as I burrow away from ppl I get more depressed and angry..and yes jaded. This abandonment is one of the reasons I hate people..Cause in my eyes its only time before you will walk away from me. You will desert in my time of need. I cling to some of you so tight I know I gots to be hurting you but I don t wanna lose more friends..Hell this year alone I had so many ppl I trust turn on me…But still grimly I hold on to the few left..I ask you as your conductor , friend, and long ago hurt child…Don t leave me again..It ll be too much this time…
Wipes eyes…..peace out lil homies and watch out for the kite string…
Your friend and Wolf in sheep’s clothing
Mr P…
pretended I was on the town.
As long as I can dream,
it's hard to slow this swinger down.
So please don't give a thought to me,
I'm really doing fine.
You can always find me here, having quite a time.
Countin' flowers on the wall,That don't bother me at all.Playing Solitaire till dawn,
With a deck of fifty-one.
Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.
Now, don't tell me I've nothing to do.
=Eric heatherly…
Now you faithful reader are prob wondering…Uh WTF Mr P. What does that mean…
That riders is the start of the first serious post on the ride. WTF Jay say it aint so a SERIOUS post on here what you mean…Well its like this kiddies something is weighing on my chest and I wanna get it out…
Today's post is bout the biggest factor in any relationship I have ever made IN MY LIFE. Everyone friends fellow employees and even yes lovers. (sorry Mrs. P but even ours) . It starts with the first relationship you ever make on this world..MOM. My life has been and continues to be colored by the way I grew up and the rocky up and down relationship I had wit the first Ms. Prosser.
Me and her have always had a rough one once I came back to live with her. See I was taken away from my mother and lived with my grandma and aunts for a while as she attempted to sober her life up. This forced separation(yes the police were involved and I was literally removed out of my house at age 4. This first rift caused a ripple of doubt amongst my relationships after that…Abandonment for da win Alex…Yup yup that was the start of it all. NOW this might not be so bad if at the age of eighteen I hadn t been heaved out da house for doing the things eighteen year old guys like to do…Crochet! Ok so it was fucking but hey its my blog and Ill lie if I want to! This was the biggie cause ma was using again and I felt like she chose the drugs over me. Again.
Now you say Mr conductor where we going down this path of misery…Here it is I hold so many ppl too far away for them to be lil more then ppl I know and I a lil lonely. I only gots three best friends one is Mrs. P the other is Kay and my best man Raymond. With out these three I pretty sure I would be dead by now. But at age twenty three having gone to school with some ppl all twelve years and to have only three close loving friends….Kinda sad and pathetic right.
But I digress…this post was about abandonment and I feel I have been through the wringer with ppl. I hold most at arms’ length and then they go and prove why I should do that. Causing more heart ache as I lose even more trust and compassion for ppl. And as I burrow away from ppl I get more depressed and angry..and yes jaded. This abandonment is one of the reasons I hate people..Cause in my eyes its only time before you will walk away from me. You will desert in my time of need. I cling to some of you so tight I know I gots to be hurting you but I don t wanna lose more friends..Hell this year alone I had so many ppl I trust turn on me…But still grimly I hold on to the few left..I ask you as your conductor , friend, and long ago hurt child…Don t leave me again..It ll be too much this time…
Wipes eyes…..peace out lil homies and watch out for the kite string…
Your friend and Wolf in sheep’s clothing
Mr P…
Friday, June 6, 2008
Random update Poems Plugs and A finally you don t see coming..Exciting sounding right???
Well as you can see changed the bloggy around a bit..Looks kinda cool! Uh it might get changed again you all know me cant keep anything the same for more then a month. I like this one though wit da lil wolfy going HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWl! Like i do on here when i wanna stab a bitch ass manager or customer or some one who annoyed me that day. plus I like the color...
Okay posting new poemage..hope you likes. Its called Sins and Petty Crimes of a Man Left Behind by ...well duh...me.
Shadows flickering on stone walls
The mist over the moon mutes its light
The silken breathing of my love still echoes
As I walk the stone halls of a broken spirit
And a shattered mind.
Lost in the labyrinth one last time
The sound of boot heels on glass
Broken vase crunching under feet ready to leave one more time.
Egos bruised as the blood dries on knuckles that used to hold her
Screaming inside while smiling on the outside .
One more twisted barb in the mind as you feel the words leave her mouth
Wreathes of twisted poison vines twine through your soul
The once pure love of innocence forever blackened by the death of the light
One more gasp of life
The breath you take turns to moans
One more grasp on the tie that binds
The last chance to burn for something other then your own sins and petty crimes.
That was a new poemage to the growing lists of stuff i posted here.
And the fam is doing(plug plug plugging along) fine. Be sure to check out the wife's ever changing maze if you already don't. And also if you want to meet my friends read Kay's too. (this is the cheap plug section.)
And me i finally think my cold is over YAY!
Well dear readers feel free to leave any comments and remember to keep hands and toes in the ride till we come to a complete and flaming stop!
Your fav operater
Me.
Okay posting new poemage..hope you likes. Its called Sins and Petty Crimes of a Man Left Behind by ...well duh...me.
Shadows flickering on stone walls
The mist over the moon mutes its light
The silken breathing of my love still echoes
As I walk the stone halls of a broken spirit
And a shattered mind.
Lost in the labyrinth one last time
The sound of boot heels on glass
Broken vase crunching under feet ready to leave one more time.
Egos bruised as the blood dries on knuckles that used to hold her
Screaming inside while smiling on the outside .
One more twisted barb in the mind as you feel the words leave her mouth
Wreathes of twisted poison vines twine through your soul
The once pure love of innocence forever blackened by the death of the light
One more gasp of life
The breath you take turns to moans
One more grasp on the tie that binds
The last chance to burn for something other then your own sins and petty crimes.
That was a new poemage to the growing lists of stuff i posted here.
And the fam is doing(plug plug plugging along) fine. Be sure to check out the wife's ever changing maze if you already don't. And also if you want to meet my friends read Kay's too. (this is the cheap plug section.)
And me i finally think my cold is over YAY!
Well dear readers feel free to leave any comments and remember to keep hands and toes in the ride till we come to a complete and flaming stop!
Your fav operater
Me.
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